The Mouse

I head out to the garden to check my live traps. I find a mouse (or a vole) in the trap, but as the trap was closing, he got caught, and cut into half. Both halves were still wiggling around, so it must have happened recently, but as I watch, each half starts to regrow itself. One half was inside the trap, the other was outside. The one out side runs away into the hole, and so I take the trapped half, now a whole mouse, off to the woods to release. Once I get to the woods, I open the trap to let the mouse out, but instead of running away, he climbs onto the under carriage of the car, so that when I drive back home, he drops down off the car and back to his hole. Little bastards are gonna eat my peppers!

Don't mess with my garden.


Oprah Winfrey’s New Show

I’m on a city bus, filming some sort of documentary about people who have quite smoking, or overcome some sort of addiction. The first person I talk to is a middle aged man who was addicted to gambling. He chats about the cause and effect for about a minute, and then I more onto the next person. The next person is a young woman who was a chronic pot smoker, again, she does the same cause and effect chat. The next person I talk to is someone named Condom. At first, the camera pans to an other young woman, then does a quick jerky shift to the douche canoe sitting beside her. He talks about his reform from crack and alcohol. At the end of his talk, he says “And I owe it all to Oprah!”. the camera pans again to Oprah, who is sitting on the bus and she says something sassy like “Oh yah, Oprah is in the his-ouse!”. The camera pulls back and then there is promo text on screen about Oprah’s new sitcom on ABC.

Whiskey Shits

A friend and I had bought a condo together and were getting ready to move in. We stocked the place and moved in our furniture. I had just gotten back from a business trip and we went over the the condo to move in. When we got there, the door was open and there were two indian girls living in the condo.

The girls had been living there for a couple weeks and had eating most of my food. It looked like they had eaten all my cheese and juice boxes, but
Most everything else was left alone. We discovered that our real estate lawyer had let them in, so we let them stay for a while. The scene cuts to a few days later and we are in the condo getting high. One of the girls let out a big puff of smoke, and I jump off the couch and start chomping the smoke. I take like six big bites of the smoke to get it all and then in two bites, I’ve eaten girl as well.

The next scene is the start of a binge montage. There are short clips of the binge then a scene where I am walking out of a bar with some friends. At this point, I look like Paul Rudd. Someone says “I can’t believe you drank all that whiskey.”. Someone else says “I can’t believe she poured so much into the jug”. The I say “that was awesome, I just wish she didn’t shit in it too. “.

Trapped in a Cage

I’m going about my normal daily routine and try to leave the house only to find the door is locked from the outside. I go to try the other outside door and find it locked as well. People are gathering outside and looking in the windows. I start yelling for them to let me out, but they only laugh, giggle and point. I look down and realize I’m covered head to toe in silver fur, and look more like a big monkey than a person. I bang on the windows and find they are much stronger than they used to be. In fact they are plexi-glass, and I can’t escape the house. At this time, I note that the carpet in the house is actually grass, and the walls are dirty, like they have been smeared with dirt and mud. A hole opens up in the ceiling, and someone drops a bucket of food into the room. It is an Arby’s sandwich and I just loose it. I start throwing everything I can at the walls and windows. I wanted KFC….

Snoop Came to my House Last Night.

My house was actually some sort of bed and breakfast and when I got home from work, Snoop and a few of his associates were staying the night. They went out to smoke and asked me to join them. It wasn’t actually the face of Snoop, but I think it was one of the dudes from SNL dressed up as Snoop.

For sure, so I headed out with them, but was sorely disappointed when they actually just smoked cigs. Blaech!

The whole time we were outside, ex-girlfriends of mine kept driving past.

Skyscraper Tomatoes

I’m at university, and in an economics class. The prof is taking about the food crisis, and how that the way we live, we’ll need 10 earths if everyone in the world wants to live the same way.

I devise a plan to build a 100 floor farm, but each floor is only 7 feet high. This allows us to add an extra 30 floors to the building. Each floor grows a different set of crops, no mono-culture. There are a few floors with higher ceilings for taller crops, and everything is lit with solar tubes, natural light and light generated from solar and wind power. The foot print of the farm is 100 acres allowing us to grow the same as a 10000 acre farm.

It was cool, but there was something very wrong with the idea. There were rumors of planned attacks on these crops that threatened to kills millions that relied on this food. I woke up.

Terrorist Attack on Hockey Conference

I find myself inside a large building which I later find out is just a very large sports complex. It’s organized more like a business tower, and the levels of the building are offset like a 4-level spit home.

We (the group I am with) have a series of tasks to perform. We are sort of protesting something that is happening at the location, but I really don’t know what. The first thing we do is to add colored tablets to the water intake to turn all the water in the building a toxic green-brown color (this reminds me of the fight club vigilantism). We are all running the building in similar clothes so we can identify each other.

We do a few of these little mischievous acts and then we are all supposed to gather outside a large meeting room. Everyone is given a monocle, and the plan is to all bust in at the same time and announce, “Mr Bond I presume” and then run out. Mark McKinney (Kids in the hall) is the ring leader, and on his mark, we all run in.

Someone yells, “This is a terrorist attack”, and then thing go bad. There is firebombing, and several of the vigilante group burst into flames. I try to get away, but I have fallen down and am stuck to the floor. I finally manage to get to my feet and escape the building. I see hundreds of people in hockey jerseys fleeing the building.

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